Marriage: We have to make it work
The Standard, Sunday, 30 October 2011 13:56
On October 25 my wife and I celebrated 30 years of marriage. When someone remarked that we had been in love for 30 years my response was that we had been in love even before we got married officially. We are aware that there are many couples that have even celebrated 60 years of marriage in this country and abroad. While this is not something to write home about, there is every reason to celebrate. We celebrate because it was not an easy journey as some might think. The good thing, though, was that when we celebrated, we had forgotten the bumpy parts of the road.
There is often the wrong notion that marriage is all bliss. Bringing two people together is not a joke. It is a serious matter that has to be considered carefully before commitment. The expectation is that it should last for life. The vows that we take explain it all, “till death do us part”. Those who are watching from afar might have wrong assumptions about what is going on inside. In Shona we have a saying, “chakafukidza dzimba matenga”. There is no easy translation but what I can say is that the Shona believe that the struggles in family life are naturally protected. The home is supposed to be an environment that makes things seem as if they are always okay.
The goings-on in a home should be known by those who are in it. Those who are outside should know by being told and not by assumption for they are often wrong. When, as a nation, we celebrated 31 years of independence, we were aware that we had passed through so many difficulties. The good thing was that we overcame those difficulties. The fact that one has survived a struggle means that one has triumphed. The same applies to marriage. It is all about surviving the huddles. When celebrating, you celebrate the package that has both the good and the bad.
Life, and indeed marriage, is all about learning how to manage each other. Friction is the order of the day but that has to be managed. Once that is done then there will be every reason to celebrate. I believe that nothing comes easily. Love in marriage has to be worked for. One singer sang “rudo imoto runotokuchidzirwa”. We have to make it work. Fire keeps burning just because someone stokes it. Let us all try not to give up. We all go through the rough and tumble of life. It is no easy journey. We can all make it as long as we know that it is not all rosy as some want us to believe. At the end of the day it is really worth our while.
Rev Dr Levee Kadenge